Mid Life Change Is About Identity

Mid – Life Change Is about Identity and Spiritual Growth, there is no room for your EGO because it can Destroy You.

Here I am 35 years old, when I was 35 years old. My depression had a hold on me as if it were a rope around my neck. I didn’t know why? I was going through this depression, but I came to discover it was a  “mid-life change”. I’m fairly certain now it had a hold on me several years prior as I tried to navigate my way through it, little did I know it would last ten years.

A middle life change (or mid- life crisis) can happen any time between the ages of twenty – eight and forty years old.  It’s different for everyone, but we all go through it. If you deny that you never have, then you’ve lost sight of your identity. As this is the reason of why it exists?  Shadow work is very different, which must be worked out at a later time.

There are four stages in a person’s life and the 3rd stage is the hardest because the individuals youth has begun to expire and our adult hood is taking over. Mid – Life Change Is about Identity and Spiritual Growth, there is no room for your EGO because it can Destroy You. Self Love and Care is vital during this time of transformation.

The first stage, of course, is birth as we are cared for being babies. We learn to walk as a toddler, we grow as a child and hopefully enjoy our younger years playing, having friends and going to school until puberty.

Second stage is awkwardness of being a teenager, all those discoveries not knowing who you are. This is the process to finding out.  Of course this stage can be depressing for many kids. As high school is not what it should be, kids are abusive, cruel, they drink and do drugs early on, because at home MOM and DAD are the influence. A bigger INFLUENCE is the Movie Industry, Technology and the POISON THE WHITE RACE HAS FILTERED IN. Regardless being a teenager is a bitch!

As teens some of us test our limitations being human, we think we can do anything and we’ll just bounce like a ball, that’s not true. At times we get hurt or hurt others without fully comprehending why? As people grow older during this stage it doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve grown up, or matured. For some of us it takes a very long time to fully mature mentally and emotionally. And everyone copes (or not) with personal problems differently


I’ve known people at 40 even 50 years old who have no idea who they are. Everyone’s experiences are different. Many women of color will loose sense of this time because they sacrifice so much with having to work and raise a family, they forget about themselves. It’s not worth it, you matter too. White women its the same but because white women don’t work hard in the same way women of color do, they will drown themselves in popping pills and drinking to much.

Mid – Life Change Is about Identity and Spiritual Growth, there is no room for your EGO because it can Destroy You. In my opinion the EGO is the most destructive attribute a human can have.  What is important during this time is Self Love and Care.

Every one grows up differently and family are the worst conformists and lack of support you will get. As families have fallen because of those in power, killing the HUMAN SPIRIT, more children are lacking the love and support they need.This will cripple a person as they grow into adulthood.

Someone I know is 40 and still going through her middle change. Its been rather hard on her being a single parent and having three teenagers to navigate, but at least she is slowly recognizing it all. Once she admitted to me that this last year she grew up a lot after going through some difficult situations of being arrested and having a plate filled with financial burdens. What I can say about this is when it does happen you need to pull your head together sit down and write out your problems. If you get divorced you may go through something similar, but conquering them one at time is best and self care is vital.

I knew what she was going through, but it’s rather hard getting  the message through to someone who is unwilling to listen because she sees everything as her fault and doesn’t want to feel guilty. I’m sure I might have been the same way, but what I can remember is I had no one to talk to about it. Therapy I found to be useless. What helped me is when I began to take the time reflecting who I was and who I am. It’s about “identity”. This time in a persons life is very confusing, your mind can’t think logically and your emotions feel as if they have control over you.

There is no FAULT on your part as a HUMAN BEING. DO YOUR BEST TO NAVIGATE IT AND SELF LOVE IS VITAL! Exercise, take naps, go for long walks, listen to music to easy your mind. Yoga is good, stay away from booze and drugs.

The only remedy I can suggest is to spend as much time alone and do some soul searching, read on subjects of how you feel to get your mind into perspective. Exercise as often as you can and eat better, disregard eating junk food and don’t over sleep it only adds to your depression. Choose your friends wisely, be careful for those you do associate to, they can sense your vulnerability and taking you for granted will be their advantage. Be good to yourself during this time, its a fragile time, but you will  survive it.  It’s very important you come out ahead, truly understanding who you are.

Try your best to avoid relationships of any kind, your vulnerable and may have convinced yourself in believing you are ready for a partner long term. Its really not the right time and your only going to be disappointed. Couples married during this time are at high risk of divorce, they can not support each other and will bring out the worst in one another, until they separate.

This middle change is a very long journey and you will feel sad at moments, happy and, depressed. Your going to question yourself more than you should, this is important to get any help you may need as you don’t want your thoughts running away with you. For some people they don’t recognize this change because they have convinced themselves its only a phase and it will quickly pass or their self medicating it. That is a big NO NO…you don’t want to do that.

For those who do they are struggling to navigate thru it but feel very unsure of themselves. This is why its important to take good care of yourself and not be in hurry or make impulsive decisions.

If you have kids during this time you need to share with your partner how you feel to take turns with the kids, he or she may be going through this mid-life crisis too. If you both are, believe me when I say it will take a strain on your marriage/relationship as both people are struggling with their feelings. Many couples divorce during this time in their life.

I’ve witnessed my parents suffer in the same way and they almost divorced twice. You must be good to yourself and to each other if you intend to survive it. Let your kids know how you feel, it’s okay to tell them how you feel, you are human and you cry when you feel pain. It’s important for children to understand, they might be a comfort to you more than you realize.

Once you hit passed 40 you will be okay, by time your 50 to 55 you go through another change, but its rather subtle compared to the last one. Its more of a clarity of life and this is when you know you have matured. You can laugh at yourself, you feel more relaxed than before. You don’t take people or life for granted like you once did. Your very sensitive to many things, but that’s okay, your supposed to be. Its all apart of the process. Most importantly you realize how important life really is and the people in your life. You see the world through a different lens and making changes is rather inviting than scary.


As you get older, hopefully, your heart has strengthened to let go of some of the disappointments through this journey and to embrace the goodness that will follow. The rest of the journey should be smooth sailing. I wish you the best:-)