Mid Life Change Is About Identity

Mid-Life Change Is about Identity and Spiritual Growth, there is no room for your EGO because it can Destroy You.

Here I am 35 years old when I was 35 years old. My depression had a hold on me as if it were a rope around my neck. I didn’t know why. I was going through this depression, but I came to discover it was a  “mid-life change”. I’m fairly certain now it had a hold on me several years prior as I tried to navigate my way through it, little did I know it would last ten years.

A middle-life change (or mid-life crisis) can happen any time between the ages of twenty – eight and forty years old.  It’s different for everyone, but we all go through it. If you deny that you never have, then you’ve lost sight of your identity. As this is the reason why it exists?  Shadow work is very different, and must be worked out at a later time.

There are four stages in a person’s life and the 3rd stage is the hardest because the individual’s youth has begun to expire and adulthood is taking over. Mid-Life Change Is about Identity and Spiritual Growth, there is no room for your EGO because it can Destroy You. Self Love and Care are vital during this time of transformation.

The first stage, of course, is birth as we are cared for being babies. We learn to walk as a toddler, we grow as a child and hopefully enjoy our younger years playing, having friends, and going to school until puberty.

The second stage is the awkwardness of being a teenager, all those discoveries not knowing who you are. This is the process of finding out.  Of course, this stage can be depressing for many kids. High school is not what it should be, Kids are abusive and cruel, and they drink and do drugs early on because at home MOM and DAD are the influence. A bigger INFLUENCE is the Movie Industry, Technology, and the corruption of the media. There is just too much negative influence on kids and now teaching homosexuality in grade school. It’s really gotten bad. Regardless being a teenager is a bitch!

As teens some of us test our limitations being human, we think we can do anything and we’ll just bounce like a ball, but that’s not true. At times we get hurt or hurt others without fully comprehending why. As people grow older during this stage it doesn’t necessarily mean we’ve grown up, or matured. For some of us, it takes a very long time to fully mature mentally and emotionally. And everyone copes (or not) with personal problems differently. Do your best to lead not follow, as being a follower can lead you down the rabbit hole.


I’ve known people at 40 even 50 years old who have no idea who they are. Everyone’s experiences are different. Many women of color will lose the sense of this time because they sacrifice so much with having to work and raise a family, they forget about themselves. It’s not worth it, you matter too. For white women, it’s the same but because white women don’t work hard, in the same way, women of color do, they will drown themselves in popping pills and drinking too much. STOP YOUR ADDICTIONS!

Mid-Life Change Is about Identity and Spiritual Growth, there is no room for your EGO because it can Destroy You. In my opinion, the EGO is the most destructive attribute a human can have.  What is important during this time is Love and Care. There are many rich people who are co-dependent on their Ego, if they weren’t their behavior would be more pleasing and less destructive. Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos, Eon Musk, and Warren Buffet, are just to name a few. the only way to strip your EGO away is to do “SHADOW WORK”, Of course, you must die to be re-born. Only then will you have a clearer perspective of life.

Everyone grows up differently and families are the worst conformists and lack of support you will get. As families have fallen because of those in power, killing the HUMAN SPIRIT, more children are lacking the love and support they need from their parents being the main influence, is not always the best role model and MONEY is not the answer. This will cripple a person as they grow into adulthood with a lack of confidence and self-identity if they can’t grasp self-care is vital.

Someone I know is 40 and still going through her middle change. It’s been rather hard on her being a single parent and having three teenagers to navigate, but at least she is slowly recognizing it all. She admitted to me that this last year she grew up a lot after going through some difficult situations of being arrested and having a plate filled with financial burdens. What I can say about this is when it does happen you need to pull your head together sit down and write out your problems. If you get divorced you may go through something similar, but conquering them one at a time is best and self-care is vital.

I knew what she was going through, but it’s rather hard getting the message through to someone who is unwilling to listen because she sees everything as her fault and doesn’t want to feel guilty. I’m sure I might have been the same way, but what I can remember is I had no one to talk to about it. The therapy I found was useless. What helped me was when I began to take the time to reflect on who I was and who I am. It’s about “identity”. This time in a person’s life is very confusing, your mind can’t think logically and your emotions feel as if they have control over you. It’s like a moth in a cacoon as it transforms it struggles to fight to change and when it finally is able to come to its full potential, it breaks free into the beautiful butterfly that it becomes.

There is no FAULT on your part as a HUMAN BEING. DO YOUR BEST TO NAVIGATE IT AND SELF-LOVE IS VITAL! Exercise, take naps, go for long walks, and listen to music to ease your mind. Yoga is good, stay away from BOOZE and DRUGS! Suicide might occur.

The only remedy I can suggest is to spend as much time alone and do some soul searching, reading on subjects of how you feel to get your mind into perspective. Exercise as often as you can and eat better, disregard eating junk food, and don’t oversleep it only adds to your depression. Choose your friends wisely, and be careful for those you do associate with, they can sense your vulnerability, and taking you for granted will be their advantage. Be good to yourself during this time, it’s a fragile time, but you will survive it.  It’s very important you come out ahead, truly understanding who you are. If you don’t you never will.

Try your best to avoid relationships of any kind, you are vulnerable and may have convinced yourself in believing you are ready for a long-term partner long term. It’s really not the right time and you’re only going to be disappointed. Couples married during this time are at high risk of divorce, they can not support each other and will bring out the worst in one another until they separate. Hang in there, and tell each other how you feel, It’s okay, to be honest, it’s critical to support each other if you can’t take some time out.

This middle change is a very long journey and you will feel sad at moments, happy and, depressed. You’re going to question yourself more than you should, this is important to get any help you may need as you don’t want your thoughts running away with you. Some people, don’t recognize this change because they have convinced themselves it’s only a phase and it will quickly pass or they self self-medicating it. That is a big NO NO…you don’t want to do that. The mid-life change lasts 10 years, it’s not a phase that will disappear overnight.

For those who are struggling to navigate through it but feel very unsure of themselves. This is why it’s important to take good care of yourself and not be in a hurry or make impulsive decisions. Stay away from BOOZE and DRUGS!!!

If you have kids during this time you need to share with your partner how you feel about taking turns with the kids, he or she may be going through this mid-life crisis too. If you both are, believe me when I say it will put a strain on your marriage/relationship as both people are struggling with their feelings. Many couples divorce during this time in their life.

I’ve witnessed my parents suffer in the same way and they almost divorced twice. You must be good to yourself and to each other if you intend to survive it. Let your kids know how you feel, it’s okay to tell them how you feel, you are human and you cry when you feel pain. It’s important for children to understand, that they might be a comfort to you more than you realize.

Once you hit passed 40 you will be okay, by the time you are 50 to 55 you go through another change, but it’s rather subtle compared to the last one. It’s more of a clarity of life and this is when you know you have matured. You can laugh at yourself, you feel more relaxed than before. You don’t take people or life for granted like you once did. You are very sensitive to many things, but that’s okay, you’re supposed to be. It’s all a part of the process. Most importantly you realize how important life really is and the people in your life. You see the world through a different lens and making changes is rather inviting than scary.


As you get older, hopefully, your heart has strengthened to let go of some of the disappointments through this journey and to embrace the goodness that will follow. The rest of the journey should be smooth sailing. I wish you the best:-)