Marrying into Domestic Violence

Being young is great but it has oppositions.  Its great because you think you have all the time, time to plan, time to waste. You can be spontaneous, you have no obligations, but to yourself. You have the world to explore as you should. Its a time in your life to have experiences, friends and lovers. Yet on the other hand parents don’t always have to time to prepare you for the outside world. What a young girl should look out for that could damage her life and change it forever.

This is a time to make your own money. Going to college, having adventures. Working hard is good and enjoying your journey of self discovery. Sometimes you don’t always see it that way when being an adolescent because everyone is trying to tell you what do and it can be confusing. Parents over look the fact there are choices to perceive when problems arise. Verbally expressing those choices out loud and giving the moral support you need. With that being said, being to young to know, parents make a choice for you, instead of helping you to make a choice for yourself.

I guess parents just get scared and don’t know the right words to protecting your innocence. Maybe its because we haven’t fully experienced anything and unconsciously mom and dad just don’t want you to be hurt. Isn’t it apart of the lesson though, being hurt and betrayed by people, especially those closets to you.

When were young, were clueless to the signs of domestic violence and understanding its origins of why this is happening and why males behave this way? I was very clueless, I was not spoken to about violence in relationships or homosexuality or anything that I should have been prepared for. However I do recall friends from high school who were being mistreated from older boy friends beyond the legal age limit. My words were clear, that I “would never allow someone to hit me”, but that is exactly what happened. Its interesting how we speak so strongly about something and that very thing takes form.

I grew up somewhat sheltered from the outside world a very small town in Los Angeles county, but far away enough from the hard streets of the city. We had somewhat of a large family and my parents both worked all their lives, so there just wasn’t enough time to communicate important areas about society that might have protected me from others and (males) while growing up. Sometimes those talks can make a huge difference in a young girls life to not fall into the same cliche.

Let me jump ahead with describing situations of women I knew. Just about every female I’ve ever known personally or spoken to briefly has had a husband who battered them very badly, emotionally, verbally and more so physically. People are ignorant to assume it’s easy to walk away or get out of a domestic violence situation. It’s NOT, psychologically it is damaging. Society in general is filled with abuse and promotes it in relationships.

Being young with no money or anyone to trust makes it feel impossible TO ESCAPE! It’s worse when you start having children, you shouldn’t have. (TRAP TO KEEP YOU IN THE RELATIONSHIP)!!  Why do women get pregnant? Males trap them its a part of the plan in a violent relationship. Or you just get pregnant being young and foolish to later find out he’s an abuser. (A young woman I met  was forced to marry the first man she had sex with, who turned out violent. She told me she took precautions not to get pregnant). Its good, when you can “think smart”.

I took the Amtrak on a trip years ago and an old woman started talking to me, I don’t recall the subject, I only remember she mentioned how her ex-husband bashed her head several times into the wall. She was on the street and homeless, she was okay. At least she wasn’t getting her head bashed anymore. A friend from my high school used to date guys much older than her (which he could have gone to jail for and should have). As I had come to notice he was very abusive with her and she had three abortions by time she was 18. My friend Angie from college once went out with friends only to find a guy she knew hiding in her bushes, waiting for her. He jumped out and smacked her across the face because he was jealous.

Donna, was a friend and I wish I knew where she was today. Our kids went to the same school and this was how we came to know each other. Her husband was a “tweeker” on speed. Donna’s situation was the worst I had seen, her daily beatings were a ritual. I would assume she either has to be dead or in the mental hospital. The first time I had seen her husband he had a wild look in his eye, he did appear like a sociopath, and was a violent person. I had begged Donna to let me take her and the kids away to a women’s safe house where she could be protected. She wouldn’t leave. She suffered with severe depression and so did the kids.

Children Protective Service was called out numerous times and never did anything about the situation.  Everything appeared okay in their eyes. Her son Matthew began abusing his mother as well from what she told me. There was a great deal of stress the family was living with because of her husband. She had good kids, but statics show children will marry into violent relationships.

Only once Donna left, but he manipulated her to go back. Its common the man usually does  only to make fake promises and starts his shit all over again. Its all about power and control. I once asked this girl I went to school with why, her nephews lived with her parents? Her response was that her brother in law murdered her sister and the youngest child witnessed everything.  Domestic violence is an ugly cycle of abuse and today its still exists for those who suffer from it. When you see a pattern and abuse occurring its not going to change, believe me it won’t. The only remedy is to get out and save yourself and ask for help.You don’t want to be a victim under any circumstances and if you see it happening to someone else, please call for help because you could be saving a life.

I was only 19 when I had a rude awakening of (domestic violence) never knowing where my strengths were until the day I defended myself being seven months pregnant.I punched my husband in the face with a closed fist. He was an abuser because he was sexually abused as a child and subjected to racism from white people just as I have been.

Since then I have taken too much shit from abusive people in college, white people who are racists employers in the work place and family members. I won’t do it anymore!

Always look for clues of how the male behaves around family compared to how he behaves in private.

His mood changes or tone when interacting with you.

Jealous behavior or insecure comments are usually signs.

Not allowing you to have friends.

Isolating you. Pregnancy Is a Trap

I strongly believe this generation now is suffering with abuse on every level.  Before you get too deep into someone search out the family find out if there is a history, because if there is, it will be a problem in your relationship. Unfortunately, these behaviors are far too common and have infected every family across the globe. Don’t allow it to infect yours.