Advantages and Disadvantages
Growing up a middle child has its advantages and many disadvantages, I didn’t grow up in a traditional family or a religious one at that (which I am grateful for). Many people would stereotype me to assume I did being a natural citizen of Native American and Mexican descent. My parents were liberal in many ways, they could be very compassionate and understanding at times, but when it came to disciplining the kids when needed, it lacked. I’m sure it came as a difficult task for them. As I was daddy’s girl once upon a time, it all changed when his only son took my place and I was pushed aside, like yesterday’s newspaper. Being pushed to the side is a disadvantage, yet growing up as a strong independent woman was very much an advantage, as I needed no one’s approval. Yet as my strong personality grew so did my resentment toward the enemy. The eldest son was a joke, weak-minded, pathetic excuse of male sperm and basically, a self-immature prick who was terrified of me and that was an advantage!
Favoritism is Never Forgotten
This is where my discovery of recognizing what being a middle child was all about. Favoritism, nothing is worse than noticing when a child is placed on the highest shelf and all the other kids are on the sidelines. It hurts, so what does a kid do? A kid will rebel or act out, seek attention any way I could get it. Of course, when that didn’t work hard lessons came along and with that, which helped me to grow into my independence and sprout self-reliance, Growing up a middle child I began to realize I could always depend on myself for comfort. Now remembering those moments when things went missing or broken in the house I was never asked about it,? I was only accused that I was responsible. Or in the event, something was damaged I must have broken it. It seemed I could never escape being blamed for many things gone wrong in a house full of kids.
Family and Non-Conforming
“Parental indifference”, is what I like to call it when your parents treat one kid differently than all the rest in how they speak and approach that other child. However, being my father’s only biological daughter, he made it rather clear my presence wasn’t as important as his first son. During my years of growing up, I was always struggling to find my voice, it wasn’t easy with two older step-sisters, trying to control me and tell me what to do all the time (over the years that changed very fast). And the younger brat gaining approval without ever lifting a finger. Of course, when the second son and last child showed up was for all the wrong reasons. He was not favored, but still, it was competition, because he was male I was still singled out.
The times I questioned what I was being told and yet demanding an answer. I was usually shut down because no one knew the answer, I later realized I shouldn’t blame my parents for what they don’t know. (Also as a woman I observed my parents repeating the same mistakes their parents made with them). It’s hard to see that and remember how much that hurt. Growing up a middle child I didn’t have much of a voice and being oppressed has ties to racism and sexism people just don’t realize it or choose to ignore. Growing up a middle child my strong personality was something my parents weren’t prepared for and this was another reason I was shut down or ignored most of the time. However, that never stopped me from expressing my thoughts, just like now.
Being Held, Prisoners
Being a middle child and lacking my father’s affection, with so many kids to share space with, I learned to survive with skills of manipulation. My family had their own way of thinking and I started to develop mine, different from theirs. I had nothing in common with my step-sisters, different taste, and very different experiences. I had a lot to learn in life like anyone, but my rude awakening came much later. Being the middle child you grow and begin to think “outside the box”. Family conformity I found myself resisting, it can be very much like “false government” forcing us to be at their will and knowing it doesn’t fit!
Fast forward to when I became a young mother the syndrome of those feelings being a middle child never seem to really leave. Yet my vision was clearer than ever and I could see my parent’s favoritism clearer than ever. So with that, I tried my best not to repeat the same mistake with my own children. Those memories of being blamed if my little brother got hurt, which was most of the time I had later realized resentment had become so familiar. Of course every parent will make mistakes and as a parent will fail.
I recall my dad’s friend treated his daughter the same way, as I witnessed her punishment when her younger brother hurt himself in our backyard. Why was it her responsibility to look out for the younger siblings, as if she were the parent? Why was it mine? I never asked for him to be born. For some reason, us girls were being held prisoners to our younger siblings’ mishaps. It may be due to the ignorance of men expecting the female to tend to the chicks no matter the rank we had in the family. Now this is Bullshit.
Everyone has their peeves and I have mine, hand–me–downs being one of them. I remember my mom buying nice things for me, but being a kid I wanted the name-brand stuff. Of course, we couldn’t always afford that, however, second-hand clothes I can do without. I wouldn’t wear them no matter what. My family had our problems as all families do, but I never saw the family as dysfunctional, we just need some improvement and education. Something my parents never stressed on. My mother was very hard-working and independent, and my dad was the same and a good provider. Parents are people too, as kids, we don’t realize how much kids should appreciate all their parents do regardless of mistakes. As I said before every parent fails, just as I have as a mother although this responsibility was imposed on me. Unfortunately there just isn’t enough time. to remember it all.
I loved my parents very much they were good hard-working people, I just wish they would have taken the time to know this middle child of theirs. I can’t blame people for what they don’t know only accept them. When I look back on it now, being a middle child wasn’t so bad, regardless of the many scrapes I received along the way. For all those parents out there, if you have a middle child, acknowledge them, they have feelings too. If you don’t, they won’t be there for you, when you need them most.