Advantages and Disadvantages

Being a middle child has it’s advantages and has many disadvantages, I didn’t grow up in a traditional family or a religious one at that (which I am grateful for). Many people would stereotype me to assume I did being a natural citizen of Native American and Mexican decent. My parents were liberal in many ways, they could be very compassionate and understanding at times, but when it came to disciplining the kids when needed, I’m sure it came as a much more difficult task for them. As I was daddy’s girl once upon a time, it all changed when his only son took my place and I was pushed aside. Being pushed to the side is a disadvantage, yet growing up as a strong independent woman was very much an advantage, as I needed no ones approval. The eldest son was a joke, weak minded and basically a self immature prick who was terrified of me and that is an advantage!

Favoritism is Never Forgotten

This is where my discovery of recognizing what being a middle child was all about. Favoritism, nothing is worse than noticing when a child is placed upon the highest shelf and all the other kids are on the sidelines. It hurts, so what does a kid do? A kid will rebel or act out, seek attention any way I could get it. Of course, when that didn’t work hard lessons came along and with that, which helped me to grow into my independence and sprout self-reliance, As I began to grow I began to realize I could always depend on myself for comfort. Remembering those moments when things went missing or broken in the house I was never asked about it,? I was only accused that I was responsible. Or in the event, something was damaged I must have broken it. It seemed I could never escape being blamed for many things gone wrong in a house full of kids.

Family Non-Conforming

Parental indifference is what I like to call it when your parents treat one kid different than all the rest in how they speak and approach that other child. However, being my fathers only biological daughter, he made it rather clear my presence wasn’t as important as his first son. During my years of growing up, I was always struggling to find my voice, it wasn’t easy with two older step-sisters, trying to control me and tell me what to do. And the younger brat gaining approval without ever lifting a finger.

The times I questioned what I was being told and yet was intrusive of needing an answer . I was usually shut down As no one knew the answer, I later realized I shouldn’t blame my parents for what they don’t know or have no answer to. (Also as a woman I observed my parents were repeating the same mistakes their parents made with them). Now much of not having a voice and being oppressed has ties of racism and sexism people just don’t understand. My strong personality was something my parents weren’t prepared for and was another reason I was shut down or ignored.

Being Held Prisoners

Being a middle child and lacking my fathers affection, with to many kids to share space with, I learned to survive with skills of manipulation. My family had their own way of thinking and I started to develop mine, different from theirs. I had nothing in common with my step – sisters, different taste and very different experiences. I had a lot to learn in life like anyone, but my rude awakening came much later. Being the middle child you grow and begin to think “outside the box”. Family conformity I found myself resisting, it can be very much like “false government” forcing us to be at their will and knowing it doesn’t fit!

Fast forward when I became a young mother the syndrome of those feelings being a middle child never seem to really leave. Yet my vision was clearer than ever and I could see my parents favoritism clearer than ever. So with that I tried my best not to repeat the same mistake with my own children. Those memories of being blamed if my little brother got hurt, which was most of the time I had later realized resentment had become so familiar.

I recall my dad’s friend treated his daughter the same way, as I witnessed her punishment when her younger brother hurt himself in our back yard. Why was it her responsibility to look out for the younger siblings, as if she were the parent? Why was it mine? I never asked for him to be born. For some reason us girls where being held prisoners to our younger siblings mishaps. It maybe due to the ignorance of men expecting the female to tend to the chicks no matter the rank we had in the family.

Hand – Me – Downs

Everyone has their peeves and I have mine, hand – me – downs being one of them. I remember my mom buying nice things for me, but being a kid I wanted the name brand stuff. Of course we couldn’t always afford that, but the second hand clothes I can do with out. I wouldn’t wear them no matter what. My family had our problems like all families do, but I never saw the family as dysfunctional, we just need some improvement and education. Something my parents never stressed on. Mother was very hard working and independent, my dad the same and good provider. Parents are people too, as kids we don’t realize it until much later. Every parent fails, just as I have as a single mom, Unfortunately they ‘res just not enough time.

I loved my parents very much they were good hard working people, I just wish they would have taken the time to know this middle child of theirs.  I can’t blame people for what they don’t know only accept them. When I look back on it now, being a middle child wasn’t so bad, regardless of the many scrapes I received along the way.  For all those parents out there, if you have a middle child, acknowledge them, they have feelings too. If you don’t, they won’t be there for you when you need them most.

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