Advantages and Disadvantages

Being a middle child has it’s advantages and has many disadvantages, I didn’t grow up in a traditional family or a religious one at that. Many people would stereotype me to assume I did being a natural citizen of Native American and Mexican decent. My parents were liberal in many ways, they could be very compassionate and understanding at times, but when it came to disciplining the kids when needed, I’m sure it came as a much more difficult task for them. As I was daddy’s girl once upon a time, it all changed when his only son took my place and I was pushed to the side. A disadvantage, yet growing up as a strong independent woman was very much an advantage, as I needed no ones approval.

Favoritism is Never Forgotten

This is where my discovery of recognizing what being a middle child was all about. Favoritism, nothing is worse than noticing when a child is placed upon the highest shelf and all the other kids are on the sidelines. It hurts, so what does a kid do? A kid will rebel or act out, seek attention any way I could get it. Of course, when that didn’t work hard lessons came along and with that helped me to grow into my independence and sprout self-reliance, As I began to grow I began to realize I could always depend on myself for comfort. Remembering those moments when things went missing in the house I was never asked about it, only accused that I must have taken it. Or in the event, something was damaged I must have broken it. It seemed I could never escape being blamed for many things gone wrong in a house full of kids.

Family Non-Conforming

Parental indifference is what I like to call it when your parents treat one kid different than all the rest in how they speak and approach that other child. However, being my fathers only biological daughter, he made it rather clear my presence wasn’t as important as his first son. During my years of growing up, I was always struggling to find my voice, it wasn’t easy with two older step-sisters, trying to control me and tell me what to do. And the younger brat gaining approval without ever lifting a finger.

The times I questioned and was intrusive to the desire of needing an answer to questions so I could embrace an understanding of all that seemed confusing I was immediately shut down. (Now as a woman I realize my parents were repeating the same mistakes their parents made with them). My strong personality was something my parents weren’t prepared for.

Being Held Prisoners

Being a middle child and lacking my fathers affection, with to many kids to share space with, I learned to survive with skills of manipulation. My family had their own way of thinking and I started to develop mine, different from theirs. I had nothing in common with my sisters, different taste and very different experiences. I had a lot to learn in life like anyone, but my rude awakening came much later. Being the middle child you grow and begin to think “outside the box”. Family conformity I found myself resisting.

Fast forward when I became a young mother the syndrome of those feelings being a middle child never seem to really leave. Yet my vision was clearer than ever and I could see my parents favoritism clearer than ever. Those memories of being blamed if my little brother got hurt, which was most of the time I had later realized resentment had become so familiar. I recall my dad’s friend treated his daughter the same way, as I witnessed her punishment when her younger brother hurt himself in our back yard. Why was it her responsibility to look out for the younger siblings, as if she were the parent? Why was it mine? I never asked for him to be born. For some reason us girls where being held prisoners to our younger siblings mishaps.

Hand – Me – Downs

Everyone has their peeves and I have mine, hand – me – downs being one of them. I remember my mom buying nice things for me, but being a kid I wanted the name brand stuff. Of course we couldn’t always afford that, but the second hand clothes I can do with out. I wouldn’t wear them no matter what. My family had our problems like all families do, but I never saw the family as dysfunctional, we just need some improvement and education. Something my parents never stressed on. Maybe they just ran out of time.

I loved my parents very much they were good hard working people, I just wish they would have taken the time to know this middle child of theirs.  I can’t blame people for what they don’t know only accept them. When I look back on it now, being a middle child wasn’t so bad, regardless of the many scrapes I received along the way.  For all those parents out there, if you have a middle child, acknowledge them, they have feelings too.