I never did understand the emotion of jealousy growing up, and yet I'm
sure without a doubt I have experienced it without recognizing it. It's
only until other females in society and in the family show you what
jealousy looks like and then you know it exists.
When I’ve spoken to bitches just to kill the time on an afternoon train
ride, its rather bothersome to find out how fucked up and jealous they
really are, especially if they're white. People try very hard to make me
feel bad for who I am, what worked back then, doesn’t work now.
Of course,
I know now it's all manipulation about how they really feel about
themselves. Just because a 50-year-old white female has low self-esteem,
doesn’t mean I should have to digest you sizing me up with your eyes and
obtuse looks expressed on your face, as you look at me.
I won’t apologize for who I am, not now, not ever whether your my mother,
sister or a stranger. A strong woman with a strong personality doesn’t
indicate she is a threat to the entire female race, I do have feelings.
Don’t expect me to compromise who I am or lower myself because you don’t
know who you are. At moments in my life, I have been weak and later pushed
myself to rise in being fearless.
The only implication my strength suggests is I have succeeded in coping
with my fears.
Isn’t it time you start to recognize yours?
I am reserved in nature, my love for the earth and animals is true, but
being a pushover is not, don’t confuse me with a Mexican woman who can’t
speak up for herself, because of the color of my skin. I illuminate with
confidence, rather than seek out admiration or compliments. In
my moments of meltdown, there is no shame in the times I have asked for
help, it doesn’t define weakness or lack of intelligence.
All women are beautiful and unique my reason for living isn’t to compete.
If you wish to run side by side in a marathon to see who is a faster
runner, let’s go. My beauty standards are not lower or higher than anyone
else, because where I have the strength you could measure the same or lack of.
Where you have beauty I could have flaws. What difference does it
make? We are both here and have something to offer the world. Wasting my
time with the frivolous competition is a waste of my time.
To have friends with such beauty is a blessing, I only hope their beauty
illuminates from the inside out, not the outside in. Affluent friends are
nice on the side, but may not possess loyalty. Loyalty to me is as
important as a politician trying to win votes. But I won’t beg you for
your vote. So put your jealousy in a box and throw it away. I have no time
for it and it has no room for sisterhood. Sisterhood should be our bond,
not jealousy.