BEING A MIDDLE CHILD GROWING UP

Advantages and Disadvantages - Being a middle child has its advantages and many disadvantages. I didn't grow up in a religious or traditional family, but that wasn't a problem at least not for me. It's actually a blessing. Many people would stereotype me assuming I did because people just love to assume and judge a book by its cover. The "white man" doesn't own America he only thinks he does as so many whites choose to ignorantly assume. Only the Native Americans are true Americans and Indigenous people who were on this land living free until the white man decided to slaughter, rape, and murder my ancestors. Unfortunately, I was whitewashed so therefore my culture has been stripped. Nevertheless, I grew up in a small town with many options and choices I never knew I had. The reason this happens is because of our structure in society and the stigmas, add the hate and drugs with so many other barriers it can take a lifetime before a person realizes self-worth and the human value I now possess. 

However, my parents were liberal in many ways, at times they could be understanding, and at other times I think it was just hard for parents to know how to discipline their kids and make the right decisions. Once upon a time, I was daddy's girl until the day his son took my place. I was quickly pushed aside, which is a disadvantage. Yet growing up as a strong-willed, strong-minded independent woman today is an advantage as I needed no one's approval. Over time my strong personality grew and so did my resentment toward the enemy. The eldest son was a pathetic excuse for male sperm, a loser who was weak-minded, fat, and lazy. As time moved on this insecure, immature prick was terrified of me and that was an advantage. This is what my discovery of being a middle child was all about. Favoritism, nothing is worse than noticing when a child is placed on the highest shelf and all the other kids are on the sidelines. Parents are too blind to realize it hurts, when making the same mistakes as their parents did so what does a kid do? A kid will rebel or act out and seek attention any way I could get it.

Of course, when that didn't work resentment was my only ally, and as I grew older so did many hard lessons that impacted my life. Those hard lessons helped me to grow into an independent person and sprout self-reliance, but it takes your entire life to fully understand everything. As I began to grow up I realized I could always depend on myself and that was comforting. Remembering those moments when things went missing or broken I was never asked what happened? Only accused that I must have done it. I was the responsible one, and the blame was shifted on me. It seemed I could never escape from being blamed for many things gone wrong in a house full of kids, this was a disadvantage. 

Family and Resisting Conformity - Parental indifference is what I like to call it when your parents treat one kid differently from all the rest, in how the parent speaks and approaches that favored child compared to the rest of the kids. However, since I was my father's only biological daughter he made it rather clear my presence wasn't as important as his first son, disadvantage. During my years of growing up, I encountered many struggles to find my voice, with two wicked step sisters trying to control me and telling me what to do, disadvantage. And the younger brat gaining approval without lifting a finger. There were times I questioned what I was being told and demanded an answer I was usually shut down since no one knew the answer. I later realized I shouldn't blame my parents for what they didn't know or had NO answer to. (Also as a woman I observed my parents repeating the same mistakes their parents made with them). As I haven't forgotten the stories. At the time of not having a voice and feeling oppression in the home, which has ties to racism people never understand this. My strong personality was something my parents weren't prepared for and this was another reason I was shut down or ignored most of the time, but it's an advantage to knowing myself and what I can do without the need of others. 

Being Held Prisoners - Being a middle child and lacking my father's affection with too many kids to share space with, I learned to survive with the skills of manipulation. My family had their own way of thinking and I started to develop mine, different from theirs I had nothing in common with anyone. Nothing in common with my wicked stepsisters. I had a lot to learn in life, as everyone does, my rude awakening came much later. Being a middle child as you grow up, you begin to think outside the box. Family conformity is similar to false government, forcing me to be at their will and knowing it doesn't fit. Fast forward to now, I am a mother of three, but the syndrome of being a middle child never leaves it stays dormant. So I was mindful of my parents' favoritism and the scars it left behind and I did my best not to repeat the same mistakes with my own children. Those memories of being blamed if my little brother got hurt which was most of the time only added to the resentment. I later realized this resentment was familiar and dormant until something I witnessed awoke it. I recall my father's friend Felix treated his daughter the same way I witnessed Doreen's punishment when her younger brother hurt himself in our backyard. Why was it her responsibility to look out for her younger siblings, as if she were the parent? Why was it mine? I never asked my father's favorite son to be born. For some reason, we girls were being held as prisoners to our younger siblings' mishaps. It may be due to the ignorance of men expecting the females to tend to younger chicks no matter what rank we had in the family. I will admit I needed discipline and education being a brat my parents were not strict when came to authority. I was given more than I may have deserved but I did work hard unlike Tonia who never worked and used everyone to support her ass.

Hand Me-Downs - Everyone has their peeves and I have mine, hand-me-downs being one of them. My mother bought me many nice things but I was influenced by the commercials of name-brand items, like Jordache Jeans. Now I realize they're not that special especially since manufacturers lie and cheat on consumers. No matter what I wouldn't wear second-hand clothes, plus my wicked stepsister's taste was a modern defect. All families have problems just as ours had our share, we just needed some education and wisdom. My parents were very hard-working people, especially my mom, she worked her whole life until she retired. Regardless I just couldn't cave into second-hand clothes, so to make things less expensive I kept my wardrobe to a minimum of blue jeans and sneakers with simple cotton shirts. Interestingly enough my step-sister Tonia borrowed a few nice dresses from me refusing to give them back. They weren't second-hand but they were mine. 

I worked and paid for what I had, another peeve of mine, allowing people to touch my things and wear my clothes which I never should have agreed to, but Tonia has a way of using people. Plus this bitch had a husband who couldn't afford a fucken thing, not even the house they live in now, since he stole it from my father. I loved my parents they were good hard-working people. They have taken the time to know this middle child of theirs. They didn't know me and resented me as I grew older, because I spoke out more than they cared to hear. I can't blame my parents for what they didn't know acceptance is key. I had a good childhood and nice home to live in and working parents. When I look back on it now, being a middle child wasn't so bad regardless of the many scapes I received along the way. So a message to all those parents with a middle child, acknowledge that child. If you point your finger at placing blame, they may resent you for it and won't be there as you grow old.